How Thinking is Making you Unhappy

The illusion of duality

The other fundamental lie we tell ourselves is that things can be put in boxes. We think in terms of right and wrong, good and bad, tall and small. We think in dualistic terms, we judge and discriminate. In other words, we put labels on things that simply… are.

Every time something happens around us, we make meaning out of it, and that is necessary for surviving and thriving in life. But the problem is that this meaning-making mostly takes place without us knowing about it—we do it unconsciously. And our brains do that by comparing the situation with memories from the past that can help us see if the situation is “good” or “bad”, “safe”, or “risky”; all subjective labels that are as dangerous as they are useful. And they are dangerous because we can easily give the wrong meaning to things, labeling something good or neutral as bad.

Finally, we carry those biased, limiting interpretations throughout life, and they guide our thinking, and meaning-making, what we feel about things, and ultimately what we end up doing and the results that come with that.

So, you want to stay alert to how you are thinking at any given time, to see if your mind is really making the right—self-empowering—choices and judgments.

The 3 ways in which we think

We can use the Mind Canvas™ model to understand the three basic ways in which we think about—and interpret—life and ourselves.

Positive (self-empowering) thinking

You can think in a positive/empowering way, which makes you feel good. Like when you think: “Even though I didn’t like the way she spoke to me, she was just being honest, which I appreciate.”

When you think this way, you access and take advantage of your memory (past), perception (present) and imagination (future) in positive ways that put you in life-enhancing emotional states. This allows you to take empowered action that has a positive impact on your life.

Factual thinking

You can also think in a neutral way, where you see things as they really are, as opposed to telling yourself stories about those things that might or might not be true. For example: “She spoke to me in the way that she saw fit. Now whether I like it or not, that’s a different thing.”

When you think this way, you access and take advantage of your memory, perception and imagination in a neutral way—seeing things as they really are, not making positive or negative conclusions that might or might not be true. This allows you to be free from strong emotions that can make you make choices you can regret.

Negative (self-empowering) thinking

And you can think in a negative way, which makes you feel bad. Like when you think: “She was just rude.”

When you think this way, you access and use your memory, perception, and imagination in negative ways that put you in disempowering and life-depleting emotional states. This makes you act in ways that can have a negative impact on your life and in the lives of others.

Now, once again, all these positives and negatives are just lies. In reality, there is no such thing as good or bad, things are what they are. There is bad in the good, and there is good in the bad, if we choose to find it.

Does this mean that we can’t trust our minds? Not at all. “Negative” perspectives, just like the “positive” ones, are both useful and necessary.

“A negative situation is a positive one waiting for awareness to transform it. A minus is a plus waiting for a stroke of vertical awareness.” – Juan Campoo

We need to consciously activate that self-awareness in order to get out of our own way and start living from a place of freedom and empowerment.

Only neutral facts exist, but we keep interpreting those facts, we give them meaning. Each fact can have as many meanings as you can come up with. Multiply those meanings by the number of people in the world and you will see how many lies are being told every day. We live in a mental world of lies!

Examples of factual thinking

You don’t earn a lot, nor a little; that—and everything, really—depends on who or what you compare it to; it depends on your interpretation.

People you have conflict with are neither frustrating nor offensive; that is just your interpretation. It is you who are easily frustrated or offended by some things they do. It is you who lacks the understanding, patience, and skills to find those behaviors not frustrating and not offensive. Other people love them. Why would that be?

Your life is not difficult; it is what it is. You interpret it as being difficult because you either haven’t had even more difficult times in life that would make your current difficulties relatively easy in comparison, or because you don’t feel you have the necessary resources to deal with these difficulties. Either way, it’s all about interpretation. It is your own perception—your own mind—that tells you things are [insert any label you want].

The Buddha advised us not to be fooled by what we perceive. He used to say, “Where there is perception, there is deception.”

This is what the Yin Yang symbol is all about. Everything in life contains the seed of the opposite. Nothing is ever fully good, nor bad.

When we believe in the lie of separation and distinction, we develop attachment to the things we like and aversion to the things we don’t like, which carry along the potential for suffering.

The good news is that you can change almost any perception you have and it only takes a moment. You can do this because you are now wiser (self-wisdom) and have chosen to take full responsibility for your own life (self-responsibility). The only missing piece is self-regulation, which we will discover in the next chapters.

How pure is your interpretation?

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